Summer Fun
by A Witness
Summary: Heero, Relena and the rest of the cast (even those who are supposed to be dead) are on a much-needed cross-country vacation. But then, the van breaks down....


NONE OF THE GUNDAM WING CHARACTERS OR RELATED ITEMS BELONG TO EITHER OF US.  
  
SUMMER FUN  
  
by A Witness and my friend, Jen (whose penname on Fanfiction.net i don't know!!)  
  
The Van was ancient, circa 1960s, brightly colored and monstrous. Vivid colors stained its side with a weed-leaf print, a peace sign, and gigantic bubble letters reading: PEACE MAN! The van sped by, bringing up dust as it did. Suddenly, a deafening   
plosion resounded and the van skidded off the worn asphalt road and down a hill. it rolled once before coming to a final halt on its wheels, bouncing at the stop. A final exhausted explosion came from the hood of the car, popping it open to reveal the  
teaming hunk of metal otherwise known as the engine.  
"I BROKE A NAIL!!!" Dorothy stumbled out of the vehicle, landing in the grass. She was nothing but a pile of frilly poofy dress, consumed in the fanciful cloth.  
Treize came out of the driver's seat, slamming the door behind him frustratedly. Milliardo followed, examining the engine It suddenly gave its last wheeze and died. "Get yourself out of this DAMN VAN, DUO!!" Treize screamed into the open window. Du  
swept out of the van in his grey "priest" collar. "Where did you get this freakin hunk of junk?!!"  
"I borrowed it from the Sisters at the Church," Duo explained, going slightly pink. "They haven't used it in, like, twenty years, but it was running pretty well earlier...."  
"Yes, well, earlier is not NOW," Wufei muttered from the backseat. The heat began to beat the people who were cross country road-tripping and they all tumbled out into the sunshine. "It's so goddamn hot!" Wufei grumbled.  
"Maybe," Duo retorted, "it's because we're in the middle of summer, Stupid!"  
Relina shaded her eyes from the sun. "Looks like we're stuck in the middle of no where, the freakin' van is broken and we are 500 miles away from the Grand Canyon!"  
"Grand Canyon isn't THAT far away," Trowa smiled, basking in the 100o heat. He suddenly pulled out a map and began to count the miles. "We're closer to 499 miles away." Relina looked ready to pounce him, when suddenly Quatre ran out of the van.  
"I have coffee all over my CAMELHIDE VEST!!" Quatre desperately tried to squeeze his soaked garment dry. "I don't have anything else to wear," he kept murmuring desperately. He looked around then, as though asking for clothes.  
Trowa suddenly yelled, "Hey! I found something!" as he dragged out a huge and apparently moth eaten bag. Atop it was a white letter reading:  
  
Dear Duo, I thought you and your friends would like these!! Love, Sister Mary Ann  
  
"Hey Duo," Trowa called, "who's 'Sr. Mary Ann'? A hot young nun that you've fallen in love with??"  
Duo grinned. "She took care of me all my life. Really sweet woman. I think next month is her 100th birthday." He paused. "If you're into OLDER WOMEN, though, she's your gal!" Trowa, now abashed, handed the moth-eaten duffel to Quatre. "Here," he   
id. Quatre thanked him and took the bag, disappearing from view to change.   
Relina in a bikini top set up a towel on the grass, closing her eyes against the sun and lying down to bake. "Since the nearest repair shop is about two hours away, I'll just take this time to tan a bit."  
Wufei suddenly demanded, "Where the f**k is my damn hair gel?!!" Half his body disappeared into his suitcase, desperately trying to find it. Behind him, safe from his fury, Sally and Lucretzia giggled, hiding Wufei's gel and Miliardo's comb from view  
Following Wufei's outraged screams, Miliardo's voice could be heard: "Where the hell's my comb?!!" Then both he and Wufei emerged from the van, immediately causing bursts of laughter: Wufei had an afro in which one could hide a cat the size of Milwau  
e and Miliardo's hair seemed to be everywhere at once. Laughs were suddenly silenced as Quatre emerged in a lacy-cuffed blouse, ruffles down his chest, a beautiful neon pink. In place of his khaki trousers were brilliant, metallic blue bellbottoms tha  
completely hid Quatre's slim form. the poor innocent boy was obviously near tears. Dorothy's face broke into sympathy, taking him in a light hug and drying his eyes. Activity erupted again, but without laughter, a comfort to Quatre.  
"Hey, what is the big leaf for?" Quatre pointed, looking to the right side of the now dead van.  
"You mean...you don't know what kind of plant that is?" Heero said, coming from the other side of the van. He hid some giggles. "It's called 'MARIJUANA'," Heero explained slowly, as though talking to a "slow" person.   
"What the heck is this?" Wufei said, trying to stuff his clothes back into his large and bright red bag. Under the small niche in the corner of the van was what looked like a plastic panel that fell away, revealing a small white box. Wufei stretched   
s hand out and pulled the panel to the side, withdrawing the box. Opening it as he got out of the van, his eyes widened and then he stuttered, "This is wee--" but was cut off by Heero glaring at him. Wufei got the message and closed the box as Quatre   
oked from Heero to Wufei in confusion.  
"What is in that box?" Quatre asked, going over to Wufei, but he stepped away saying, "Nothing, nothing at all young Quatre." With a pause, he added, "NOT FOR YOU." Quatre seemed slightly offended but strode off.  
"I have to take a leak," Duo suddenly said, sitting up from his lying position in the grass. "Where's the lavatory around here?"  
Trowa had been setting up a tent. "Go in the bushes: that's the way they do it out here." Duo glanced from Trowa to a distant bush before running off desperately. Trowa seemed to be chuckling. "Why didn't you just tell him about the urinal over the  
?" Heero asked, motioning towards the small house on the opposite end of the field. Trowa made no reply.  
Duo unzipped his pants, hopping a bit to keep it in. He breathed a final sigh of relief as he began to...um...relieve himself, pissing onto the tree. He glanced up at the sky, whistling gently when he thought he heard it. No, he KNEW he heard it. His  
yes turned to see that he had company. Quite a lot of company. He began to blush immediately, realizing the tourists had been quite interested in what there was to see around here. Hopelessly, he tried to zip his pants, but to no avail. Face getting  
righter and brighter, he turned around. "Nothing to see here...." he gulped. Obviously they weren't convinced and began guffawing. Duo's face wasn't getting any less red.  
There was a knock on the window of the van. Dorothy began yelling through the glass at Hilde, who was absorbing the air-conditioning of the van, selfishly leaving everyone else out. "Where's DUO?!" Dorothy asked. Hilde shrugged, leaning back and enj  
ing the cool temperature. Dorothy sighed and began her search for the American. Duo was still in the bushes, staring at the sky which he had begun to memorize. He couldn't very well leave the shelter of the bush to go back to his friends with his zip  
r stuck. He'd be laughed --  
"Duo?!" He turned around at the sound of his name to see Dorothy, her jaw open. Duo began to turn the brightest scarlet imaginable, if it was actually possible. He began to shimmy behind the bush as best as possible. Moments of awkward silence coll  
sed. Pursing her lips, Dorothy grasped a towel and tossed it at him. Duo caught it expertly - a move probably born of desperation - and wrapped it around his waste. "I, um...the zipper..." he tried to explain, throat parched. Dorothy wordlessly walk  
him back to the site.   
"Where were you??" Trowa asked. Duo flashed him an infuriated glance before jogging behind the van to...um...manage himself.  
"I had a little trouble...." Duo called from behind the van.  
"What kind of trouble, because from what I saw, Dorothy looks like....She looks as though she saw hell and came back," Trowa commented, examining his tent.  
"A trouble with his zipper," Dorothy said, shivering slightly. Wufei laughed. "So those pants finally were the undoing of you, Duo Maxwell?!" He gave a malicious snort.  
"Shut up, AfroBoy, you are no better off then me with hair that can hide the state of Milwaukee," Duo retorted calmly, coming from the side of the van in a long grey colored pair of pants and a robe that ended at the knee. He was still sporting the "p  
estly" collar.  
"Do you ever wear anything besides that bloody collar?" Wufei muttered and Duo answered, "Do you ever up gel in your hair??" Suddenly, the opening of the van startled the three boys. A yell ensued. "Shut up, all of you! Can a woman get any decent q  
et time to read?!" Hilde cried.  
"Hilde...." Duo bit his lip, already turning pink. "Were you...you were inside the van?" Duo exclaimed blushing a cherry red. Hilde smiled wickedly and closed the door, leaving Duo with his jaw hanging open, blushing redder than even before, althou  
no one believed it possible. Trowa and Wufei laughed at the expression on the sixteen-year-old's face. "Well, now that Duo is totally mortified, I can leave. My day is perfect! It can't get any better." Wufei smiled spitefully and proceeded to jog  
round the field, doing several laps around the beautiful area of green in an attempt to get his pent up energy out. Wufei had done about 15 quick laps when he finally exhausted himself and collapsed, sinking into the tall grasses and breathing deeply.   
long and drawn out sigh escaped his lips as he admired the sky. "It's all so beautiful," Wufei remarked as he gazed at the brilliant blue of the calming sky. "Just so --" the glimmering smile on his face slowly disappeared. "-- beautiful." A whiti  
splatter of goop otherwise known as crap had fallen from a passing bird, landing neatly on Wufei's face. "Shit."  
Duo stood over him grinning widely. "Yes, I believe it is." Wufei glared at him maliciously before wiping the feces from his face. Duo chuckled and left him alone. Wufei grumbled some naughty words and stood, dusting off his pants. "Stupid birds,"  
e finished, flicking away leftover crap. Stupid Duo. where was that AMERICAN ANYWAY?!  
Relina looked up from her book when she noticed Heero plopping down beside her. She was lying on her stomach, letting the sun bake her back. Heero glanced at her and then at the sun. "Did you remember to put sun tan?" he asked suddenly. Relena seem  
puzzled momentarily.  
"No," she replied finally, "i don't think I did. Why? Am I roasting?"  
"Like well-done duck. Want me to put some lotion...?" Heero offered, bottle already in hand. He was about to begin when Milliardo piped up, "Heero and Relina, sittin' in a TREEEEE! K-I-S-S-I-N-GEEEE!! First comes LUVE then comes marriage, and then   
mes a babeee in the babeee carriage!!!" Relina and Heero turned a flushed pink simultaneously.  
It was high noon and no one had yet seen eh face of Duo Maxwell. The smell of barbecue, nevertheless, filled the air. Milliardo, Lady Un and Treize had set out the grill and were grilling steaks, chicken and kabob, all of it smelling quite good, draw  
g most of the group to the area of the grill. Milliardo and Treize had changed into bright colored Hawaiian shirts and tan cargo shorts. Treize's Hawaiian shirt was LOUD, very LOUD. A scarlet red, it was decorated with shiny golden colored pineapples  
nd fruit. it bagged around Treize almost reaching to his knees. he wore a big apron as well, reading "KISS THE COOK!" Next to him, Milliardo was dressed in a similar shirt the color of bright green, bringing out the color of his eyes ^-^ decorated wi  
silver hula-girls and coconuts. Lady Un was also supervising this cookout wearing an apron declaring, "I A M W O M A N , H E A R M E R O A R ! "   
"My stomach's growling: get the food!" Trowa exclaimed, already seating himself on the one available picnic table in the field.   
"This is the kind of food that sticks to your ribs," Lucretzia commented, sniffing the roast.  
"Who cares?! I am absolutely starved!" Relina replied, licking her lips. She paused, surveying her friends lovingly...."Where's Duo?" she asked, realizing the American was missing.  
"I don't know, but don't let that stop us from dining!" Wufei replied.  
"Come to think of it, we have not seen him since the afternoon," Trowa replied, taking a huge bite of steak. Behind him, Treize called to Lady Un as she was going to the van, "Lady, get more barbecue sauce, would you? Its in the van, to the right!"   
dy Un nodded and made her way up the hill to the van. They noticed her throw open the doors and gasped. She clapped her hand over her mouth so as not to scream from the sudden shock. Duo and Hilde were making out at the back of the van, frozen at her  
udden oncoming. They were both blushing flame red, a red that seemed brighter and brighter as people gathered. It was quite the scene: Duo's hair was loose and askew. His collar and shirt were missing, thrown to the other side of the van. Lipstick ma  
s decorated his face and open chest, and to top it all off, those infamous pants were unzipped.   
"Smile Duo!!" Lucretzia suddenly screamed and snapped a picture, a grin as wide as the equator stretched on her face. "NO LUCRETZIA!!!" Duo screamed, sighing. With as much dignity as he could muster, he zipped his pants, grabbed his cape, flung it ov  
his body and stepped out of the van, closing the door slowly behind Hilde and retrieving his shirt from the front seat of the van. "Where is my COLLAR?!" Duo demanded, and put his head once again in the driver's window. After a few moments of silent   
ustration and looking for his collar, he turned and met the faces of Lady Un and Lucretzia and blushed the color of red peppers. "If you all would excuse me," Duo said, bowing and calmly walking away to the grill. Just when he was about to take his se  
at the table, he pounced after Lucretzia, who desperately began to run away from him. The "priestly" kid was quick, though, grabbing for the camera.  
"Give me that GODDAMNED CAMERA, LUCRETZIA NOIN RIGHT NOW OR I WILL BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!!!!!!!" Duo screamed, chasing after her tirelessly. The young woman kept giggling as she ran, her valuable camera in her hands. "NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"  
"Y'know," Trowa paused in his eating, "I never knew how fast Lucretzia or Duo could run until now."  
"Tell me about it," Wufei replied, having enjoyed the utter humiliation of Duo Maxwell, American. He took Duo's plate and a small sack of ground hot peppers, emptying the bag unto the plate and setting it down where Duo was to sit. Wufei tripped Duo   
he came around, completely losing Lucretzia. He glared at him and then took a seat at the table.   
"Put it all behind you," Treize told Duo, "you know, behind that big white behind you proudly bared earlier." Duo sucked in breath through gritted teeth as he sank into his chair, studying the food on his plate, steaming hot. He glanced at Wufei, who  
as looking for Lucretzia, and switched their plates deviously. Wufei glanced back, hoping his cruel trick had worked. Duo stood up for some water, his food still untouched. Wufei was obviously very perceptive, and switched back the plates, turning ar  
nd again to look for Lucretzia. Duo stared at his food, and then at Wufei, who turned around defiantly and said, "What are you looking at?" Trowa, meanwhile, sat back.  
"I think I'm still hungry," Trowa murmured. "You gonna eat that?" he asked Duo, pointing to the spiked plate of food. Duo shook his head and handed him the plate, still glaring at Wufei the entire time. He hardly noticed Trowa immediately diving into  
is third serving. Hardly into his first bite, the youth looked up, his face already beet red and eyes beginning to bulge. Wufei was immediately apologetic, and Duo leaped up, accusing Wufei. A huge commotion ensued, but it hardly mattered to Trowa, w  
just got up and ran, drinking down as much water as he possibly could.  
"Leave some for the fishes, Trowa Barton," Dorothy muttered, daintily chewing her food. Trowa had finished the pitcher and ran to the lavatory at the edge of the field, where he stayed for the rest of the day.  
  
"Okay, sleeping arrangements need to be made, and I, as the princess, apologetically say that I HAVE TO HAVE THE VAN," Relina said, already in her pajamas like the rest of the group.   
"Um, I don't think so," Treize said, dressed in his teddy bear PJs, pale blue to bring out the color of his eyes, with scattered bear faces. "You should sleep out here and admire the stars."  
"Then why don't YOU sleep out here and admire the stars?" Lady Un argued. As the chaotic fight over sleeping arrangements ensued, Wufei, arms crossed over his rubberduck-patterned-pajama-ed chest, studied Duo in his black jammies with little birds on   
em, sniffing. "Don't you ever wear anything other than black?" he asked snootily. Duo shrugged. "Like what: duckies?"  
"WE WILL BE SLEEPING IN THE VAN AND THAT IS FINAL!!!!" the girls screamed in unison. They immediately crowded inside the van, tossing out the boys' sleeping bags and not allowing them another word in. The men were left beginning to shiver, with Dorot  
sticking her tongue out at them before pulling down a shutter over the window.  
"Damn women," Milliardo muttered, shivering and grabbing his sleeping bag, seemingly leading the rest of the motley crew in putting out their sleeping bags beneath the badly assembled tent. No one seemed to notice Heero and Quatre take a long bottle l  
eled "Bubbling 1450", or that Trowa was not with them when they turned out the lights.  
  
Trowa threw open the lavatory door as the cool air hit him. he had been in there since dinner, nearly six hours ago. his head reeling, he stumbled out and shut the door. He had finally escaped the pink bunnies and purple hippos. They did not follow  
im out of the reeking lavatory, and that was good: he could finally have a moment of peace. But when he set his eyes upon the field, all the illness of the early hours left him. It was beautiful. Grass waved to him in the cool breeze, the stars above   
inkled merrily, two boys were skipping across the field. He smiled at Earth's beauty and then took a double take. Two boys skipping across a field?! The boy who had a garland of blue and pink flowers in his white blond hair and another around his ne  
seemed to be Quatre Raberba Winner. It could not be......And yet, another boy that was skipping next to him with spiky brown hair and a long garland of golden flowers in his hair and two around his neck seemed to be HEERO YUY (how the hell do you spel  
his last name again?) They both held onto a basket full of flowers.   
Trowa blinked several times and then said aloud, "I am seeing things again. That is not Heero and Quatre skipping through this field very drunk and wearing flowers in their hair like hippie girls." Suddenly, the boys stopped and Quatre called, "Trowa  
come! We need another person to help us pick the flowers!!" Trowa looked at Quatre, shock on his face, and asked, "What happened to you?!"   
"We had a little BUBBLY!!!" Heero exclaimed, giggling like mad and taking a dark green colored bottle from his basket.  
"Come Trowa!" Quatre repeated, "we need help making the rest of the garlands. Heero and I cannot do it alone." He began to stride towards Trowa, who stood there frozen. When Quatre stopped in front of him, Trowa found his voice once again. "I-I can  
t help you...I feel sick." Trowa stuttered and clutched his gut, which began to churn as Quatre laughed and said, "Oh, poor Trowa. here, this will help you feel better! Nature solves all problems." Quatre took the garland from his neck and put it ar  
nd Trowa. Who stood there gawking like an idiot.  
"Quatre, what's wrong with Trowa?" Heero asked, running up to Quatre hiccuping and giggling. "Nothing, Heero. He will be fine," Quatre answered.   
"Nature solve every human problems," Heero murmured, going into a wise sort of mode. As quickly as he had gone into it, he had snapped out of it and he smiled once again. "So Trowa will not help us?" Heero asked, offended.  
"Nope," Quatre answered, sighing loudly. "He will."  
"WHAT?! I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT!!" Trowa cried as they dragged him back into the field. After another hour of protesting, Trowa finally gave in, too sick to fight. One sip of that "bubbly" and he was gone....  
  
The cry of an irritated Milliardo emanated from the tent, causing it to collapse and blanket the "men" inside, "DAMMIT! DAMN THAT CLOWN!! TROWA BARTON CAN HARDLY CALL HIMSELF A CLOWN!! WHAT KIND OF CLOWN CAN'T BUILD A GODDAMN TENT!???!!"   
Duo scrambled out of the edge of the big green and white polk-a-dotted mess, sighing and looking up at the stars. He closed his eyes, hearing the rest of the male species trying to set up the tent for the umpteenth time that night. The thing kept fal  
ng apart, and what was more, they couldn't find Quatre, Heero or Trowa. They decided to look for the trio in the morning. Meanwhile, that stupid tent was their main problem. Then, devious eyes fell on the river in the distance, and then the van, and   
ey came up with an idea.  
"No, put that end over THERE!! Over THERE, Wufei!!" Treize was barking orders.  
"When you guys finally manage that thing, and it falls down again," Duo interrupted, "I think we should take a different course of action." Wufei stared at him. "Oh, the American has a plan, does he?"   
"Yes," Duo replied, "he does."   
All that could be seen of Treize Kushrenada, Milliardo Peacecraft, Wufei Chang and Duo Maxwell were shadows, deadly and mischievous shadows, lit by the moon. They tiptoed across the grass gently, none of them making a sound as they approached the enem  
hideout. It was all very vital to their sanity that they accomplish their...well...MISSION. Duo and Wufei took the doors and carefully, with deadly silence, pulled them open. Accuracy was vital. Very vital.  
Treize took the bags of the enemies, as well as Milliardo. Meanwhile, Duo and Wufei kept watch on the slumbering wenches. Oh, they would get back what they deserved!!....The men dragged the numerous, heavy baggages to the edge of the river, dumping t  
m with crashing sounds into the river. "YOUR BAGS ARE IN THE RIVER!! YOUR BAGS ARE IN THE RIVER!" they screamed. Just as planned by the superiorly intelligent men, the enemy all crawled out of the van, screaming for their luggages, desperately wading   
to the pool to rescue the bags. The shrewd men took this time to run into the van, therefore leaving all the women outside and having the comfort of the cozy van to themselves. None of the women never expected it. When Lucretzia Noin finally realized  
hat had happened, it was too late: the fort, aka VAN, had been taken over. THE MEN HAD THEIR VICTORY!!! And of course, the women, all soaked to the bone, were left with a wreckage of a tent and planning on getting back at the bastards. EACH AND EVERY  
NE OF THEM!!!!  
  
Duo yawned, stretching and considering last night the best night's sleep he'd had in a long, long time. It was a victory well-won....for all of them. Automatically, his hands came to his long, loose hair, ready to braid it as he had done everyday for t  
last sixteen years of his life. it was then that he realized his hair wasn't loose at all....His hair was braided in tiny strands, cascading down his head with flowers and pearls. It would take a million years to get all this out!! But curing - mome  
arily - his anxiety over his long brown hair, was Wufei. In place of the afro, there was something far, far worse: a Mohawke. Duo burst out laughing: it resembled a brush sticking out of a naked rock, some grass, jutting from a marble surface, the --,  
ell, you get the picture.  
Duo's laughter seemed to cause a chain reactions. Wufei woke, startled and puzzled. He was about to laugh at Duo's hair when he caught sight of something a lot funnier: Treize. The formal man's hair was slicked upward like a fountain of bright red h  
r, like a mop. Not only did it look like a fountain, his hair stuck out in spikes - large ones, that framed most of his face and ended at his shoulder blades. His amazingly shreikish voice came from his throat in a piercing scream, waking Milliardo.   
immediately reached for his hair...which was braided tightly in Princess Leia buns, sprayed with so much artificial gunk it was hard as rock. With great disappointment, Dorothy and Catherine trudged back to the campsite in gloomy moods. They walked u  
to Relina saying, "We could not find the other boys."  
"Then, we will look for them together."  
"I think I already found them!!" Catherine screamed, drawing the attentions of the rest of the girls. There, in the moss and brush, lay three men curled up like adorable little balls, dressed in millions of tiny flowers, rose petals, cherry blossoms i  
pale pink, a broken bottle labeled 1405 on the ground. "HEY GUYS!! WAKE UP!!" Trowa shook the sleep from his eyes, half jumping up at the sight of the towering women.  
"Um, guys...." He tried to shake the lilacs from his hair, but there were too many. The scent was overpowering.  
Quatre and Heero yawned lazily, stretching out like cats, half asleep on each other. "Bubbly anyone?" Quatre asked, lifting the broken bottle.  
Heero grinned at him, and then, they both began tweaking, laughing like crazy. Trowa, held his head, which immediately began to throb with pain. Heero and Quatre caught up with the hangover, and stopped their uncontrollable giggling.  
"What's going on here?!" an outraged Treize barked, followed by the mob of bad-hair-days.  
"Guess who we found here," Relina said. "And the case of the missing males is solved."  
The group surveyed the scene before them, the garlands hanging like laces from the three drunken/hungover males. "Um...anyone for bubbly? Very good," Heero murmured, words beginning to slur. A wide grin had come over his face, but when he realized th  
bottle was empty, his eyes began to tear. He began to sob uncontrollably, shoulders shaking. Everyone stood gaping, but Quatre immediately began to hug him, comforting. His hands took a garland from his neck and hung it over Heero's. "Here: nature s  
ves all problems --"  
"I swear to God, you say that one more time, and I'll smack you," Trowa muttered.  
Quatre, despite the crude remark, continued comforting the dissolved Heero, who was in a complete fit of tears. Dorothy looked at Quatre, who was surrounded in petals of all sorts of flowers and leaves. Both he and Heero reeked of beebalm and lilac.   
eero looked up and met the eyes of Duo.  
"nice hair," Heero murmured, his tears starting to dry and a wide grin starting to come over his face.  
"Hey Treize, got anymore bubbly?" Quatre asked, still half-drunk. Treize turned to Quatre, a look of total surprise on his face. Then Treize suddenly cried, "MILLIARDO PEACECRAFT, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE 1405?!!!!!! FOR AS FAR AS I CAN SEE   
HAS BEEN EMPTIED BETWEEN THE THREE FLOWER CHILDREN HERE!" Milliardo came calmly into the clearing, his Princess Leia buns shining in the light. His face was the color of a sour apple green, his lips formed a tight line. "What, Treize, I was not he l  
t freakin' person to see or drink from that wretched bottle, so don't you FREAKIN' CURSE AT ME!!" Milliardo exclaimed, pointing to the broken bottle among the carpet of petals.  
Trowa stood with the help of Catherine and Relina, who were glaring at him, and he bit his lip. Trowa then went into a hasty explanation of how Quatre and Heero had dragged him into picking flowers and making garlands. Finally, they forced him into t  
ing a sip of that cursed 1405. After he had finished his story, the group had gone silent, save for Quatre and Heero, who were still cackling like fiends.  
"Get up, you hippie," Dorothy said, dragging Quatre to his feet, his breath reeking of the strong, strong wine long-gone.  
Quatre smiled impishly at Dorothy and said, "You look lovely today," hiccuping loudly. Dorothy blushed delicately and turned, leaving Quatre to plop back down onto the petal-littered ground. Well, what do we do now?!" Treize grumbled, gazing around a  
the pixie children, pajama models and monsters from a hair salon. "I know we're all VERY pretty, but we're really a mess."  
Wufei piped up, "How about if you girls borrow some of our clothes?" he suggested.  
The women glared at him skeptically. "No. No. No. No way never, not even if hell froze over and rocks could fly!" Relena screamed for them all.  
A few moments later....  
"I can't believe we're going to borrow your clothes," Relena frowned.  
"And hell didn't have to freeze over," Duo chirped, rummaging through his belongings, "And look! The rocks are still here!" Relena looked ready to bite his multi-braided head off. Heero, now only suffering a terrible headache, handed her a pair of h  
spandex black shorts and green tank. Trowa offered his clown costume to Hilde, who stared at it as though struck dead by lightening and it were a terrible beast. "OH NO!! Not that color mess!" Trowa blinked hard. Was he...offended? (gasp!!)  
"Fine," he replied finally, "since you were so eager to get into Duo's pants earlier, you can borrow his!" Hilde blushed intensely, but Duo gave her a pair of the black, huge-pocket pants and a black shirt minus the collar. As soon as Hilde had left,  
uo drew back his fist and delivered a painful blow straight to Trowa's nose. Blood immediately erupted, leaking down his face. Trowa cursed uncontrollably, and people held back both of the infuriated pilots. This did not hold back the curses.  
"Enough, you pixie children! Enough!" Treize barked at the top of his lungs. Trowa's face had gone a cherry red color, partially from uncontrollable bleeding and partially from rage. "Damn you, Duo Maxwell," Trowa screamed.  
Meanwhile, Duo was yelling at Treize. "Shut up! How dare you call me, of all people, a pixie child, MR. MOPHEAD!" Duo said, still glaring at Trowa.  
"Listen, you guys have to relax. I don't want to wear my flimsy 'jamas all damn day," Dorothy commented. "I need someone's clothes!" Quatre sheepishly handed her a camel vest and pants. Dorothy sniffed. "What is that smell?" Another delicate snif  
"Coffee?...or....no, coffee and lilacs...and?!"   
"Do you want to wear the pajamas all day?!" Quatre yelled, losing patience. Dorothy snickered and grabbed the clothes, stomping off. "Next!" Quatre screamed. Lucretzia approached, hugging her cherry-blossom pink pjs to herself. "Milliardo, will you  
indly offer her something," Quatre said in a very business like way. With a sigh, Milliardo opened his very old fashioned suitcase and brought out a dingy moth-eaten jacket and huge belled pants, worse than Duo's. Lucretzia shrugged and grabbed the da  
dirt brown pants laden with dust and the jacket. "What are these?" she grumbled, "First uniform issue in 1597?!" Without further ado, the now-dressed women proceeded to fashionably present their outfits to the wildly amused dudes and one still-high H  
ro Yuy.  
The day proceeded calmly, the towtrucks and repairs were on their way. Most people were chatting aimlessly but good-natured. And we say MOST because Duo Maxwell was not among them. He still easily recalled the greatest and most unfortunate misfortun  
from the other day. Though the flamboyant American had recovered, his pride had not. And then, there was that damned camera. With that DAMNED picture Ms. Lucretzia Noin had snapped of his, um...disposition. And so, the American began to search despe  
tely for the device that could ruin his life. FOREVER. However, he did not find the camera....he found something BETTER. Hahahahaha (evil laugh) emanated from his lips when he grasped the little pink book in his hands. The American easily picked the  
nsignificant lock and skimmed through the pages....He wasn't an idiot and an idiot could know what a find this was...!!  
  
"And there he --" Lucretzia was interrupted in the retelling of a made-up adventure by words with alarming familiarity.  
"'OH MY MILLIARDO!'" Duo yelled out with girlish poeticness, reading from a pink book held proudly in the air, "'prince of my Heart, King of my Soul! From you, I can't stay apart!! You, with your long, wispy, dove feather hair!!!!!'" Lucretzia grew   
t in the face. "'You, WITH YOUR PIERCING SHARP EYES! ICE HIDING THE WARMTH INSIDE!! YOU ARE MY SEAS, MY EARTH, MY SKIES!! Oh my MILLIARDO! For you I write! I would be BLIND if you didn't GRACE MY SIGHT!! Milliardo, MILLIARDO!!!!!!!':" Lucretzia   
d finally leaped up screaming for her pink book, chasing madly after Duo, who danced around, insanely pleased with himself. He began to flip through the pages in search for another poem to recite. But before he could start to read the poem, Trowa snat  
ed the book from him and began to read...."'How do I love thee?! Let me count the ways, Your eyes are deep pools I wish to bathe in! Eyes the color of the SKIES pull me into your arms!! Milliardo, when will that day come? When can you hold I, Lucret  
a, in your arms? King of my Heart, Prince of my Soul! Without you, I know, I cannot be WHOLE!!!'"  
"Well, now we know who the REAL King is around here," Treize laughed, glaring at Milliardo who was colored scarlet. Trowa finished the poem, laughing hysterically. Duo joined him, on the ground, kicking their feet in the air and grabbing their stomac  
with laughter. Lucretzia blushed and started to scream. "Trowa BARTON, put that book down!!" Trowa smiled widely, but wickedly.  
Heero took the book from Trowa. Trowa and Duo stopped prancing, ready to be upset, knowing Heero would return the book to a grateful Lucretzia. But this was not Heero Yuy. This was Heero, Prince of the Pixies, Highest of the High!! And Pixie Prince  
eero turned to page 53 and began to read, "'My, my, my, - hiccup! - my Milliardo, my HEART MY SOUL MY LOVE OF MY - hiccup! - LIFE!!'" He paused, considering. "But I don't think Milli over there," he slurred, "would taste as good as he 0514...or the 1  
0, or the um...1405." His eyes went hazy, and the only thing that saved him from Noin's wrath was his faint. The pink book went flying in the air and Lucretzia caught it, slipping it into her pocket, leaving. "His Highness" Pixie Prince Heero, High P  
est Duo Maxwell and Curry boy Trowa Barton, were left alone. Lucretzia took a seat near the van and decided that this horrible ordeal had given her another idea for a poem....  
  
Treize lugged his 10-pound baggage into the half repaired van, while two grubby long-haired and wild-eyed repairmen fixed the engine. Grease covered overalls were black as pitch and had not seen the inside of a washer in about...well, never. One repai  
an with greasy frizzy red hair stopped working and wiped his brow, saying in a very Southern accent, "Well, sir, is a'out almost done, we'll be out of 'ere in another, 'out six hours." Treize sighed loudly. He decided to wait until these "repairmen" f  
ished their "work".   
"Heero, oh my poor Heero," Relena said, as she looked over his fallen form. Heero's eyes opened to slits and then, a devilish grin spread over his face. "Relena my love," Pixie Prince Heero said, sitting up. Relena looked at Heero, shock was playing  
cross her face. She sat on her heels in silence, they both stared at each other. Heero suddenly went into a fit of giggles as Milliardo passed by saying, "IT is the after effects of the 1405." Relena stood looking at her brother and then started to w  
k with him leaving the "prince" alone. "What is in the fucking stuff?" she suddenly demanded.  
Milliardo laughed. "That is between Treize and myself," he answered in a wicked smile. HE stopped walking and turned to Relena, saying, "I need to speak to Lucretzia. She seems sad. And as usual I am the only one to cheer people up."  
"Yeah, because you are her boyfriend," Relena muttered under her breath as she watched her older brother head towards Lucretzia....  
  
Hours later....Duo Maxwell was not one to give up. Though he was quite the person for sweet revenge, he needed that camera! He checked around for Lucretzia's presence before heading towards the van to rummage through her things. And then, he realize  
that Lucretzia's presence wasn't anywhere near the campsite.  
"You know where Noin is?"  
"Haven't seen her since my brother went to comfort her," Relena, absorbed in some book, replied. Duo raised a suspicious brow and headed off in the general direction of the woods. Only minutes later, Duo's yelp resounded past the field. "Oh my God!!  
Duo cried. "Oh my God!" He was then seen running like a madman, trampling grass and waving a drying instant photograph. Everyone gaped, surprised, but it all cleared up when Lucretzia strode, following immediately after him, in her bra, screaming cur  
s and some other nasty words.  
"Duo Maxwell! You little --!!"  
"I don't think so, Lucretzia Noin!" Duo finally skidded to a halt beside the van. "Not unless...." Duo grinned maliciously. "Give me the camera and I'll give you the photograph." Lucretzia pursed her lips, staring at him and then the photograph, c  
sidering. Finally, she sighed, crawling under the van. There was a camera, taped to the bottom. She haughtily and reluctantly gave it to him. He ripped out the film, handing Lucretzia th photo. It had already dried and she examined the incriminatin  
evidence. "You didn't even get us!" she screamed. "All you got was the blanket!"  
Duo grinned deviously, and sighed. "Oh I didn't?" he asked, with mocking innocence.  
"I can't believe you!!" Lucretzia replied, her face going red.  
"Neither can I," Duo replied coolly, walking away. Milliardo finally joined them, carefully pulling his jacket over his well-dressed self. With notable affection, he wrapped a blanket around Noin's shoulders, pecking her on the cheek.  
"Did you see what happened back there?" Relina asked Heero, who was sitting comfortably atop the van. She clambered up near him and sat down.  
"No, I was not looking. I really don't pay attention to these things over the past few hours," he answered, sarcasm heavy in his voice. After all, he had had a great view from the van. Relena chuckled and continued, "I thought my brother was better   
an the rest of you pixie fairies, but I see he is not. Pixie KING Milliardo and Pixie Prince Heero."  
Heero blushed and smiled sheepishly, looking at his clasped hands. Relina placed an arm around him, smiling. Heero surprisingly looked up and smiled back. Together, they sat, legs hanging over the side of the van. "You like sitting on tops of vans?  
Relina asked, resting her head on his shoulder.  
"Yes, so I do," Heero replied, taking her hand in his and holding it warmly in his. Relena blushed and Heero smiled, as they watched the sky start to darken in preparation for the coming twilight.  
  
Treize was cat napping quietly in the van when a loud knock on the glass jarred him out of his paradise and into reality. He sat up and opened the door, the red haired grease monkey smiling. Grease Monkey said, "We are done sir, time to pay up." He g  
ase monkey thrust out an oil stained bill. Treize took it, his eyes suddenly widening in shock as he suddenly exclaimed, "$643 @$&*ing dollars?!!? Are you nuts?!"   
"Well, sir, there is a labor charge of $150...." the red haired man replied, listing other expenses.  
"I don't give a shit, take $200 OFF or I am not bloody paying you," Treize said again.   
"$150," the red headed man ventured.  
"250," Treize pushed, purse-lipped.  
"160," the man demanded.  
"350!" Treize exclaimed. And then, "THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER!!!!"  
Red sighed and spoke, "Fine, fine - that will be 293 dollars no labor or tax charged." Treize smiled triumphantly and wrote the guy a check. His smile now the size of the earth, he handed the man the crisp white check and calmly walked away, laughing  
villy and leaving Red with a boiling rage and a thirst for vengeance.........  
  
"People! People! Pack your bags, we're leaving this little pit of green deadly field!! Get into the car! We are going to the Grand Canyon!" Treize proclaimed to the group of people. In a mad rush, everyone crowded the back of the van and stuffed the  
one-too-thin baggages into the trunk. For another ten minutes there was a sudden violent argument about who was sitting where. The fighting was abruptly silenced as everyone happily got where they wanted to be. Treize got in the driver's seat and the  
ngine roared to life....  
  
The massive engine gave a cough and steam spewed from the hood as Red's plan of vengeance took effect. "Aw shit, not again," Duo muttered, pulling his cap over his head.  
"But look on the bright side: we are only 399 miles away from the Grand Canyon!" Quatre said, looking at the map.  
"Shut up!!" Trowa yelled, hitting Quatre upside the head.  
"Here we go again...." Milliardo said, and leaned back gripping the sides of the car as the vehicle prepared itself to skid......... 


End file.
